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As you all know, HaT is a respectable blog...but every now and then I cave into the demands of the masses. I mean who wants to read about Populism and Practical Limits of Outrage. People want the ratchet. And today, I plan to deliver. Today's guest post taps into the ratchetness...err...I mean usefulness that is the relationship blog written by black men. Cause who better to school black women on everything they're doing wrong then bitter $10 adsense check negroes with mild senses of humor. Check it out!



Every now and then we at RatchetMaleOpinions get a letter from one of our female readers seeking our sage advice. Or sometimes we don't get a letter from a female reader, we make one up when we feel like addressing a topic that might come off as sexist if we don't pretend like a woman wrote in to ask us question the answer to which is obvious to everyone except her. But anyway, that's notimportant. Here's the note we received *wink*:

Dear RatchetMaleOpinions,

I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm smart, funny, I work out, and dress well. I'm basically the kind of girl guys "say" they want. I watch sports and I fix my man's plate at the cookout. Despite all this, I have been dumped in every relationship I've ever been in. In all three relationships the men seemed intimidated by my Ivy League education and the fact that I've been published in numerous journals. I've been told that I'm "too smart." I don't understand why my brilliance would be scaring men off. I don't want to end up alone with only a prestigious job, books, and numerous professional accolades to hold. HELP ME?!?!!

Signed,

Educated and Lonely (and Stupid as Hell)


Well, baby doll, all your boy can say is WOW! Listen, we men are really simple. All we want is a woman who will do everything for us the way our momma did and give good head while doing it. I'm not sure what that has to do with your question, but I'm generally an ignorant person and I felt like throwing that in there.

But I digress.

Sure men like smart women but like the guys said, we don't want a woman who's too smart.  Remember, we men have egos. Yeah yeah yeah we should work to overcome our insecurities but the reality is there's 10 women to every 1.5 man (one man, one midget), so we don't have to. Since we won't change any time soon, I have  5 tips to help prevent you from scaring off the next good man you date.


1. Be smart but not too smart.  A man wants a woman that can keep up with him in a debate, not a woman who leaves him in a dust. Be intelligent but don't show off. For example, if you and your man are discussing the oil spill in the gulf, it's fine to point out the need for additional regulations...but unless your man is a geophysicist, there's really no need to fill him on why the top kill method was ineffective from the beginning.

2. Speak softly. It's one thing to enjoy witty repartee with a woman it's another thing to be loud-talked. And even if you're not loud-taking, talking loud simply isn't ladylike. It also makes us question whether we can bring you around mamma'nem. And who cares how smart you are if mamma'nem get to neck rolling and teeth sucking when you come around. No bueno. Next time you and your man get into any type of heated debate, the best thing to do is take the bass down a notch.

3. Show a lot of Cleavage. That way when you start talking all "global warming is affecting our planet in ways we'll only know hundreds of years from now and what about our grandchildren," it will be easier to digest. Everything sounds better coming from a woman with a gianormous...

4.  Rack up less stuff. Sometimes it's not about the education as much as it is about what the education has allowed you to afford. Once again, I know this wreaks of insecurity but damn, what's a man supposed to do when he drives a Corolla and you pull up in a brand new Volvo.  Sometimes toning it down is best. The first thing a man wonders when he sees you is "can I afford this woman." And when the answer is no, things can only go downhill from there.

5. Save the heavy discussion for your girlfriends. Need I say more?


So yeah ladies, these are just a few things you can do to keep the 1 good black man left on earth from running away from your turn as Gabrielle Union in Daddy's Girls...and Deliver us From Eva....and pretty much every other movie she's played in.

Okay fellas, do you have others?? Help the ladies out!!! ***




***I vomited immediately after writing this.