Why I Don’t Dance with Men at the Club
Monday, May 17, 2010
, Posted by JD at 7:43 PM
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| No Thanks! |
When I got older, my friends and I started a singing group and we performed in talent shows. I’d watch hours of videos from different recording artists in order to choreograph our performances.
I went to my first real dance when I was a freshman in high school. I walked into the party and went straight to the middle of the dance floor where I believed I belonged given my dancing ability. I didn’t pay attention to the way other people were dancing, until an R. Kelly song came on, (I think it was, “It Seems Like You’re Ready), and one of the boys I recognized from school came up behind me, spun me around and tried to grind on me.
OH HELL NAW!
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| This is totally acceptable..IF we're a couple. |
I pushed him away and put my hands on his shoulders so that we were still dancing together but not touching. He said to me “That’s not how you dance, come on now.” I looked around and noticed that every couple dancing looked like they were simulating some sort of sexual experience. I turned to him and said, “Well, I don’t wanna dance then.” He muttered something about me being stuck up.
I didn’t care.
As I’ve gotten older, the expectation that a man should be able to rub his crotch and hands up against my body just because I’m moving to the beat of a song and every other girl is doing it has gotten even stronger!
I can’t even the count the number of men who have approached me at a party and attempted to molest me. I use the term “molest” because I was told in elementary school sexual education that molestation happens when a stranger touches you inappropriately. And I believe that every time a woman dances with a man in the club she is subjecting herself to a type of molestation that I personally find to be gross and uninteresting.
I’ve never really be into the club scene and I believe this is the reason why. When I was in college I had girlfriends who also liked to dance. We’d all go to the middle of the dance floor together. But then they’d start dancing with some guys leaving me dancing happily alone. Well, as soon as I’d be alone someone would try to dance with me, taking all the fun out of an otherwise enjoyable night.
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| Why can't all men keep their distance like this one?? Is that too much to ask? |
I hate that when I politely decline to dance with a man, they assume that I am rejecting them on an individual level. When, in fact, I am simply rejecting the practice of adult strangers humping each other in public. If this same man would have stood facing me while we both did the dougie, everything would be fine…but men don’t want to dance with you unless they can put their unfamiliar hands in places only familiar hands should go.
Once I did try to dance with a man thinking, well, if all the other girls are doing it, maybe it’s not so bad. A guy moved in close behind me and put his hands on my hips as we rocked side to side. I wasn’t too disgusted at first, until he put his hand on my back and tried to push me forward as though he was “hittin’ it from the back.”
I realized then and there that I don’t need to be doing what every other girl is doing. I mean other girls were wearing matching denim jackets and jeans and lining their lips with black liner and I wasn’t considering doing that. Why should I succumb to the pressure to dry hump?
I was born an individual, and have decided it's best to remain that way.
Nowadays when I go the club (a very rare occurrence) I stay off to the side and only dance on songs that really move me. If I had my wish I would be swag surfing and doing the Dallas boogie and the stanky leg all night. But unfortunately, I’m too afraid of being attacked.
I wish I could dance with reckless abandon and not worry about explaining my position on molestation to every jigging predator that comes my way; however, until that becomes reality I do the bulk of my dancing in my house or at Joy of Motion--the men there don’t mind keeping their hands to themselves.
have ya been *daggering* lately? (for the handful of ppl that dont know-look it up)
dont think it can get any worse than this.
as a wise woman once said: keep your eyes open and your back to the wall. this way you can at least see what the fools about to try n do ;-)
OMG, i completely feel you on this one. The most annoying thing about going out is the random ass man that comes behind you and just starts grinding. Then you try to move forward and away and they think your still dancing. All the while your thinking that you probably only have about a 10-15% chance that the man groping you ISN'T a gremlin, but the last thing you want to do is turn around and make him think you care.
*sigh* this is why im a regular at club living room, lol.
in general, i don't abhor dancing with men in clubs. dancing is fun and meant to be done with a partner. i do, however, strongly fucking object to the complete lack of dancing etiquette i've run across in the north. these northern men have it all wrong. 1. these men don't dance- they fight you with their pelvis. sir, that hurts, is uncomfortable, and fucks up MY rhythm. get the fuck outta hea! 2. they don't do the required permission/tentative dance where the guy sorta lightly dances with you with the upraised shoulders and questioning expression until you give consent. these men just grab you and start trying to kill you. 3. they get too into their feelings. this is just a damn dance. if i say "no. thanks." you response should not be disrespectful and nothing buy cusses and grunts. WTF! get some self-esteem, man-up and move on to the next one.
see, new orleans men have dancing etiquette down in my opinion. while most of the dancing is on the raunchier side (hey- it's bounce music. our culture. don't judge us!), there's a respectful give and take in the dance. 1. new orleans men actually dance. they sway with you on BEAT, and move something other than their pelvis. they actually DANCE WITH you, not at you or against you. it doesn't feel like a damn dance battle. 2. new orleans men don't jump you on the dance floor either and immediately start humping. they do a tentative dance away from your body until you have time and opportunity to check out the face and give consent... then they start humping. J/K, but sorta cause bounce dancing is kinda humplicious, but other moves are thrown in. it's just no the same at this gratuitous humping going on in the north. 3. if you tell a new orleans man "no," not only will he walk away from you, you'll probably get a compliment on his way out of your dance field. these men are too busy having fun and looking for the next pretty girl to dance with to waste time acting like a bitch.
i think the difference is that men in new orleans are out to have a good time with pretty women. they're not their to posture with their friends. they dont come in the club wearing sunglasses and bowties. they come in wearing clothes they don't mind getting sweaty and crazy in because they're about to dance all night. so maybe the whole club scene is different- dancing is the focus in new orleans so maybe that's why men are more apt to actually dance and do it pleasantly. whereas clubs in the north are about being seen?
I NEVER dance with dudes at clubs. I like to dance like I think Im Benny Ninja performing to Amerie's "1 Thing".. some dude is just gon be all up in the way.
hehe
Girl, that picture of the man and woman who were standing far apart is the PERFECT kind of skank [UK word for dance] for me. I'd absolutely looooooove to just be able to shack out with a guy like that, I find it so much more fun than all that whinin and grindin bidness.
xoxo
Oh wow I completely feel you. Whenever I'm on the dance floor enjoying doing my own thing some guy takes my having a good time as an open invitation to publicly violate me. And its almost always the gremlins who take molestation liberties. Not that I want to be publicly molested by a cute stranger either. I wish more guys actually knew dance moves other than the pelvic thrust so we could both have a good time on the dance floor.
I am SO GLAD I'm not alone. People try to make me feel like I'm stuck up. @ Rach, I agree that men in the south do give you a little more leeway to make up your mind about how you dance, but the dances in the south are soooo raunchy. I mean I know "real guls get down on the flo" But dang! @ anonymous Okay what is "daggering"? Lemme go to google. I'm so afraid.
Found an article on daggering. I am so done with this!!!!!!!!! Men are breaking their penises!! http://jezebel.com/5213000/daggering-trend-is-breaking-jamaican-dicks
Wanna dance? .... Just kidding. Good article. Since I'm a guy and part of the molesting gender I'll just agree with you. But as someone who appreciates a nice dance, I'm saddened that there's no real "moves" these days. It's just glorified dry humping while standing and somewhat clothed... which with a "familiar" lady isn't a bad thing. ;-)
So, I just cackled at your reference to doing the dougie together. Consider this comment your slow clap. I'm standing at on my bed in front of my laptop and encourage all who have read/are reading to do the same. *Slow clap for Jess* (Hey! Maybe we could turn that into a dance! As I typed it, I heard "slow motion for me" in my head... hmmm TO THE BOOTH!
This blog had me rolling @ work today, so I had to come back and comment and give kudos. I'm also planning to write a counter-blog from the male perspective. It must be heard! lol
@Exmun lol!! Yes I'll dance with you because if you get too raunchy you're already aware that I don't mind punching you in the throat! @bitchyalllovetohate Slow clap is a perfect dance. As long as I can still do it by myself!! @wisdomismisery lol Thanks for reading. Oh no shade, but nothing a man has to say ever needs to be heard. But yeah go ahead and write your post. lmao!
Definitely understand your angle. We don't have to grind but you think you're nice on the dance floor?! Chaaaalllaaange! Meet me in the circle! *allhuxtubleeverything*
Orion, I will meet you on the dancefloor anytime!!!