Whores, Groupies, and Golddiggers: Defending The Basketball Wives
Sunday, May 9, 2010
, Posted by JD at 10:41 PM
General commentary on these types of shows aside, I have been struck by one running theme from many people who watch Basketball Wives—and that is the decision by many to refer to the Basketball Wives as tramps, whores, and golddiggers. It bothers me and I’m happy to tell you why.
For those who haven’t watched, Basketball Wives is brought to us by Shaquille O’Neal’s soon-to-be-ex wife Shaunie.
In keeping with the theme of having very few if any housewives on shows about housewives (see: ABC’s “Desperate Housewives,” and Bravo’s“Real Housewives”) only one of the other “Wives” –Jennifer Williams—is actually married. Jennifer, wife of professional basketball player and gremlin Eric Williams, is clearly unhappy in her marriage. Eric, whose is in a fight-to-the-finish battle with Sam Cassell and Tyrone Hill for most unattractive basketball player living or dead, is a chronic cheater and anywhere within a 5 mile radius of him is a clear “Personality-Free Zone.” Poor Jennifer.
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| Why her lawwwwd |
The other ladies are: Evelyn, the beautiful but tough-looking ex-10-year fiancée of Antoine Walker who is now both retired and broke; Royce, a girlish-looking dancer who shares a child with Dwight Howard (he sued her to ensure he and the baby weren’t mentioned on the show); Gloria, the pretty and naïve girlfriend of Matt Barnes with whom she shares two children; and, Suzie, the white, well-coiffed real estate agent and former girlfriend of NBA and general life disappointment Michael Olowokandi.
From the beginning, even before the show aired, people (both male and female) began to refer to the Basketball Wives as whores and groupies, among other derogatory names. However, four episodes in, I don't see it. None of the women have given me the impression that they are groupies, whores, or golddiggers.
The show does not indicate that any of the women have dated more than one athlete, nor are there any accusations that the women were sleeping around while dating their respective athletes. And, what’s more, we haven’t seen any of them do anything remotely whorish-- unless you count Royce’s two booty poppin’ performances (one at a TO/Ludacris party and the other at Evelyn’s birthday party). But really, Royce didn’t do much more than any other woman who purchased a copy of Darren’s Dance Grooves and decided to try her new moves in the streets. I’m not sure what part of her dance people were offended by…the fact that she has a child by an athlete or the fact that she didn’t pop that thang while holding a microphone (see: Beyonce).
On the show, the girls aren't even shown partying at any raunchy clubs and as yet have not been spotted chatting up any other ballers.
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| Gloria Govan is the sister of Laura Govan. Laura is rumored to have cheated on gun-toting Washington Wizard Gilbert Arenas with the town ogre, Shaquille O'Neal. |
[Bonus footage from the show that I grabbed from Jocks and Stiletto Jill! ]
The underlying problem is the silly assumption that women who date or have dated athletes are groupies or golddiggers because, you know, how else could a woman come to meet and date an athlete, is ridiculous. It's almost as if people think these women HAVE TO be up to no good because…well…because…well…just look at them! And they have the nerve to be on TV! And they were shopping! And being saddity about it! The nerve! And they're not even cute! *sucks teeth and rolls eyes*
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| If these girls are groupies and whores, where are the scenes like this? |
This type of thinking is what allows someone like Ben Roethlisberger to corner a woman in a bathroom after walking around a club with his penis outside of his pants. This as off-duty police officers act as both his security and wingmen. It shows what a warped view people have of male-female relationships especially when the man is wealthy. All of a sudden, when a powerful man is involved, there is an inclination to think of every nearby woman as a predator.
Some of us need to check ourselves.
In general, I am saddened when women are given labels solely based on their perceived relationship with a man or men (whore, slut tramp et al). How retro! We can debate as much as you’d like about the behavior of the ladies on Basketball Wives. Maybe you think they lack class and taste, maybe you find them to be phony or trite, maybe you don’t think they deserve to be on television at all. That's fine. But when you make derogatory comments that simply don't fit the individuals you’re talking about, it strikes me as biased and a call to think about the basis of your opinion.
At some point we ladies have to take it into our OWN hands to cut our fellow sisters a little bit of slack. I’d like first dibs at this opportunity. It's a shame that you have to remind grown people that not liking someone doesn't make them a whore. I learned that in high school.
Yeah, the thing that strikes me the most about these women was the nativity they had entering these relationships and the immaturity. However its not a surprise, I think all women go through this but its much easier to leave when a rich and powerful man hasn't not tried to set you up to be dependent on him so you can keep your mouth shut about what he's doing.
I really think Jennifer believed that when they got married ET I mean Eric was gonna settle down, and I know plenty of unhappy women like Jennifer except they're married to broke down version of Eric. Like she said on one show you have everything financially you could want yet you are still unhappy because your man ain't acting right. She didn't say it like that but you get my drift.
It seems the society believes the best way to SHUT A WOMAN DOWN is to call her a bitch, whore, or fat.
Good post!
-OG
I totally agree! That goes back to the predator point I made...rather than thinking these women were naive, people believe that they knew what to expect and pursued it anyway because of the money. Most of the time it's not that simple. You develop feelings for someone and you don't believe them capable of being that dirty!!
I think it's easy to dismiss women involved with professional athletes as only staying for the money but if that was their only reason for being there, pop out a kid, collect your check and go.
Everyone wants to believe that they're the difference maker and what women hasn't heard, "just worry about you, we'll be fine"
People have decided in their mind what they feel this lifestyle is about or why people participate in it. There's a dose of truth in most stereotypes but at this show's heart, I don't see much difference between these women and the average women dealing with an unfaithful mate.
First of all I like your point of view and glad someone took a different angle on this show rather than the usual hate.
I can only buy the naivete argument but so much. On both ends. I have been around pro sports as a journalist as well as a former college athlete myself and you can tell the women who just want the money from a mile away. And most dudes who deal with those women seriously have a whole different set of issues with their own insecurity.
That being said some of these women also have to be aware and cognizant of a man that isn't willing to settle or doesn't respect women. But generally if the woman is fine enough or the man is rich enough some people are willing to avoid the signs that will let you know the person you are with is shady. And people try to further justify their poor choices by saying things like "men are dogs anyway may as well get one that isn't broke" or "women are all the same at least she is hot" at some point you have to take responsibility for your choices.
I cover sports in ATL and have covered each of the players in the show and have met and talked to a couple of the wives. They aren't as bad or as innocent as people want them to be.
There is culpability on both ends. Even Matt Barnes child's mother, most people would look at her with the side eye if she had two kids with a man who hasn't married her and still be with him without a ring. Nor do I feel she would put up with that from a "normal" guy. But both her and Barnes get a pass because he can provide her a good life.
As far as the show goes it actually is subdued from what I expected it to be. The women seem to be just going to restaurants, having drinks and starting companies.
There is also another issue. The real disdain from a lot of people towards this show are from women who want to date ball players and aren't attractive enough to get their attention. They want to live the lifestyle but aren't capable.
And men who wish they had women on their roster as attractive and educated as these women are. But don't have the resources to get those type of women. These are the brothas who think all women are gold diggers but barely make enough money to support themselves. And the sistas who think every man is "intimidated" by her 28K per year salary.
I think a lot of people should check the real reason for the hate.
This is an EXCELLENT post! Thank you so much for writing it. The responses to this show are like a textbook analysis of the toxic internet, all-hate all-day attitude. People may not like these women, but it doesn't make them all the horrible names they are being called. It's this stance by angry onlookers that adds to the "rape culture" in our society of objectifying and brutalizing women.
As for the rest? Previous poster N. Wilborn said it best: "There is also another issue. The real disdain from a lot of people towards this show are from women who want to date ball players and aren't attractive enough to get their attention. They want to live the lifestyle but aren't capable.
And men who wish they had women on their roster as attractive and educated as these women are. But don't have the resources to get those type of women. These are the brothas who think all women are gold diggers but barely make enough money to support themselves."
AGREED! Please don't speak so ill of these women simply because you don't have access to certain lifestyles and know not of what you speak! Sounds like some viewers needs a hug and a role model because the funk of jealousy is wafting all across the place.
Thanks again for posting.
N. Willborn hit the nail on the head.
I've been saying the loudest criticisms of these women are coming from jealous women and men. People who are happy with their lives don't spend time criticizing people they don't know lol.
I don't think the basketball wives are gold diggers, because I don't think the aim is only money. I think these women seek validation in these Men. Being the wife of______ makes them feel important. The money and the lifestyle are easy to walk away from. It's the going back to just being "regular ol girl from who knows where" that's hard to let go of. Do you really think Vanessa stays because of money? lol No she stays because being "Kobe's wife" is a prominent title in her mind. It sure beats the hell out of "nail technician/video model" anyway.
I don't think there is anything wrong with women pursuing and marrying men who can financially provide for them. Unfortunately they get labelled golddiggers whereas I see them as financially astute.
Also to call women who are or were married whores, is also a misnomer. They are wives, exwives. A whore, to me, is a person who exchanges their body for little or no return value.
A prostitute is a person who places a monetary value on their sexual services.
They may be emotionally naive, but financially they are not. That's why they are wives or exwives. As for the girlfriends, that's a failmove to me. No alimony.
These women are whores sluts, and goldiggers. Just because theyre not strippers or hookers dont mean they arent. I work in around this industry, trust me. These same chicks wouldnt give a 9 to 5ver any discussion. Btw, Im not bitter or unhappy. Im very much content and very successful. Game recognizes game. Yet we need to call it what it is, many of these athletes dont take these females serious anyways. Most get caught up when they get pregnant. Now these players are no better. Yet its time particularly with our Latina and African American ladies that we stop justifying this mess. Just because it points to you, doesnt mean you should always play the victim. Theyre are plenty of positive females that are down to earth and real. These dont. Any real dude will tell you that in confidence.
@ Jack. I think your comments still speak to generalities rather than the specific women on this particular show. I wouldn't deny that plenty of unseemly women pursue athletes which is fitting because you've just admitted that many of the men are, themselves, unseemly. lol But I don't find these women to be of the 'slut' variety. I don't know that I would classify all strippers as sluts either.
I see the valid points everyone has made in regards to the Basketball Wives. I appreciate the balance of viewpoints.
I am a harsh critic of the derogatory labels placed on women. The golddigger title especially is one that gets under my skin. I am a firm believer that there is nothing wrong with a woman seeking a man who can provide for her. Isn't the man supposed to be the provider? I don't think money should be the only reason a woman should marry a man. But let's stop acting like love is the only reason people marry. Marriage is also about two people, instead of one, building their economic power.
With that said, I do not think the BBW are golddiggers. However, I do think the money plays a larger role than we would like to admit. In only four episodes these women reveal more and more that solidifies my thoughts that they weren't doing a damn thing before Mr.Baller came along and swooped them up. Furthermore, as a reminder, Jennifer is the ONLY wife. The rest are ex fiancee's, baby mamas and one ex-wife.
Jennifer said, "He was unfaithful before we got married. I knew what I got myself into." This tells me she wasn't just marrying him because she was so in love. Rather some of the benefits that came along with being Ms. Whatever his last name is were too hard to pass up.
So I won't call them golddiggers or whores in the literal sense of the word. But I will remain critical of their phony, materialistic, high school, quick to be baby mama ways.
And this doesn't mean I want a baller and I'm jealous as some commenters have suggested. I just want black women and our little girls to strive for more then to be the next BM of some athlete.
@ Bene, I see your point; however, why is it so terrible if the women didn't have anything going on before meeting these men? Often young people don't have much going on. When I dated an athlete 5 yrs ago, I didn't have much going on either.
I think what concerns me about the names that get thrown around about these women is the level of vitriol. and I think that's what N.Wilborn was getting at re: jealousy. When I hear some people discuss this topic, they are so passionate as though they have a stake in the situation. That's when you start to wonder if there isn't a deeper issue they have against these women like jealousy or perhaps even projecting.