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No, meat mixers are not people who watch or participate in gay porn. In fact, the term is not sexual at all so quit making jokes. Meat mixing is a serious issue that is plaguing our society and quite frankly I’m disgusted by all of you MMs who put bacon on cheeseburgers, eat shrimp and steak, or otherwise mix different types of meat when eating. Gross.

I don’t know why I abhor this practice, but I do.

Now that you understand meat mixing, we can move on to the social terrorists known as Birthday Losers. I can explain my hate for these people more fully.

We all have those friends or family members that take their birthday a little too seriously…every year.

It’s not enough for you to call them on their birthday or give them a card or take them out for a few drinks whenever a few of you are free to get together. It's not even enough for them to have a party every couple years.  Oh noooooo….every year their birthday is a “special event.” They want to do multiple activities or get together multiple days to celebrate. They don’t care about your time, your finances, other plans, or lack of interest because, after all, it's “their day.”
 
Except it’s not their day. Everyone has a birthday, and quite a few other people share your birthday.  So in actuality, if you are a Birthday Loser the only thing special about that day is your behavior.

Typical Birthday Loser

Birthday Losers make things difficult for themselves and others. I have seen situations where there were multiple birthday losers in the same friendship circle. Of course, each loser planned their own festivities and feelings got hurt when certain friends couldn’t afford to sacrifice time or money to attend each loser’s event.

Birthday losers are the very reason that normal people like myself have to sit through celebration after celebration at work--a place where most of us would rather not celebrate anything unrelated to a raise or promotion.

We've all been through this fakery!

Typically, birthday losers experience sadness on many birthdays due to the fact that they put a lot of stake in a day that doesn’t mean much. And when it doesn't go as planned they are more disappointed than sanity should allow.

I think if you got the average birthday loser to be honest for 2 minutes they would admit that with a few more hugs and backpats throughout the year they wouldn’t feel so motivated to be a jackass on the one day when people feel sorry enough to pay attention to them.

This birthday loser sickness is spreading. And it IS a sickness. Well…it makes me sick. It’s gotten so bad that I’ve heard rumors that there are people so sick with BL disease that they actually celebrate their birthday for the entire month.  I refuse to believe there are people that completely ill and annoying.

The worst part about BLs is that they CLAIM they want their day to be special yet they will usually celebrate with anyone so as to appear popular and adored. I have seen BLs go out of their way to remind people they don’t even like all that much to attend their birthday parties. In fact, a couple times, BLs were frustrated on their birthdays when the random people to they invited to their party [at insert overpriced club here] showed up and acted…well…random!

To all the birthday losers out there, I would ask you, what is that you really want? What do you hope to accomplish by slanging your birthday phallus in our faces every single year?  Maybe if we could get to the bottom of that we could give you a little of whatever it is throughout the year so when your birthday comes, you can act like you have the sense God gave a goat.