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Moving my Blog...
Posted by JD
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Saturday, September 18, 2010
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Hi all...thanks so much for reading my blog over the past year. I stopped posting thinking I wouldn't have time for a personal blog. But my thoughts really need a place, so I've moved this blog here. << click I'm waiting for my actual domain to move. But just so you know, the new blog is called "Live Is The Event."
If I can ever figure out how the hell I purchased this domain I will have it redirect. lol
<3
What To Do With This Blog...
Posted by JD
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Wednesday, August 11, 2010
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Sounds Like a Personal Problem
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comments (1)
I mentioned casually that I was planning to shut down HappyAboutThis and got all sorts of hate mail and hate tweets. I was so flattered. I haven't even been blogging a year so it's nice to know that people enjoy my writing.
They say that a year is a turning point in a blog, in fact, Necole Bitchie kindly told me that as her little gem of advice to someone who was just starting out. I bought the domain for HaT in October of last year and I think that in the last two months I was finding a voice and a stride.
Unfortunately, I have another blog called MediaSTRUT where I analyze how the media treats people and issues. I think I did a lot of that on HaT by default because that's my area of expertise. Though HaT is supposed to be a personal blog. I'm not even sure what that means anymore. And I don't know why someone like me who hates talking about herself would endeavor to start a personal damn blog. WHOOPS.
So...what I'm going to do is keep HaT alive and well until her anniversary comes and then I'll make a decision about whether to shut the blog down and do guests posts when I have something I can't put on media strut (such as the post on "Why You should Encourage Your Little Girl to Play Sports" post I did on The Beautiful Struggler, or whether to keep this blog open even though it won't be consistent.
Hmmm...I have to say I really love my very small group of readers and commenters. It's safe over here. Not so much on other blogs. *shudders*
Feel free to weigh in.
Black Women, Athletes and Why Ocho Cinco Can't Win
Posted by JD
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Thursday, July 15, 2010
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Caublinasian Privilege,
Racial Profiles
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comments (13)
Since the showed aired, the conversation about Chad's preferences has intensified with many black women expressing anger at Chad's seeming lack of interest in people who look like them. As these conversations typically go, the subject starts with one athlete's preferences, then extends out to other athletes, then black male celebrities, then black men in general. Pretty soon, all the bases have been covered:
- Date who you want as long as it's not a fetish
- Date who you want as long as you don't put down black women
- It's unnatural for people to have a preference for people who don't look like them, it's evidence of self-hate
- Black men put women of other races on a pedestal
- It hurts to have the men you desire (meaning black men in general) believe that you are somehow beneath them and other women are a prize
- Some black men think black women are good enough to make babies with but not good enough to marry [Note: All 3 mothers of Chad's children are black. Yes I said all THREE.]
Okay, got it.
I have two main issues with black athletes who typically date outside of their race being labeled as having a "preference" when, unlike Chad Ochocinco, they haven't themselves made any statement indicating that that is the case. Both issues relate to the ability or lack of ability of black women to be in the company of these men as often as other races of women are.
1. Black women are dissed for pursuing athletes. When it comes to well-known black men, athletes in particular, dating outside their race, it's interesting to see black women rush to stick up for other black women when they believe black women are being rejected. Too bad no one rushes to black women's defense when they are putting themselves in positions to meet these men.
Any time there is a event or club appearance that is going to feature athletes, all of those women get lumped into the category of groupie or ho or golddigger. It doesn't matter that your intention may be to just go and hang with your friends, you're going to be painted under that umbrella and negative comments will follow. I have even seen people call women who have athlete boyfriends gold diggers even though they have no idea how they met. I was, quite frankly, appalled at the comments on blogs and on my twitterfeed about the Basketball Wives. I didn't like how comfortable black women were referring to other black women as whores and golddiggers having as yet no real insight into the relationships between those women and the athletes they dated.
When I've been out hanging with athletes I see more "other" types of women making a point to get close to these men. One night out in VIP at Mansion in MIA and you can see right away why so many athletes are stepping outside of the black box.
It must be noted that athletes are not the only types of men who have groupies. Many times athletes are groupies themselves [video model meet athlete, athlete meet video model]. Yet the black woman as groupie gets the lions share of attention and the blame for that belongs squarely in black people's hands.
Conclusion: you want athletes to go out of their way to date black women but you don't want black women to go out of their way to date athletes. Okay. Gotcha.
2. Don't disregard the issue of access. Last summer, Chad was playing around on Ustream during training camp and discussing interracial dating with his then teammate Laverneus Coles. Coles, who at the time had a girlfriend I believe was Black and Moroccan (if my memory serves me correctly), made a great point about access to athletes. He said that when he's going about his daily routine, he doesn't see a lot of black women.
Now, on its face you may think that's not true. But it absolutely is. When the Cincinnati Bengals played the Baltimore Ravens last year in October, I was invited out to dinner by Chad's then girlfriend. At the dinner Cincinnati staff, family, and friends (all white), and an HBO producer I believe from the Hard Knocks series (white). The black people were myself, Chad, and Coach Hue Jackson.
That got me thinking...whenever I have been around professional athletic team staff they have mostly been white people and quite a few white women. Then I begin thinking of the PR people and managers that work with athletes and IF they are women they are typically white or even Latina.
I took that further and applied it to college. I went to a predominantly white school that has produced quite a few professional athletes. At my alma mater there is a group of girls that are delegates to the football team. I remember there being MAYBE 1 or 2 black girls working as delegates while I was there. I never even considered becoming a delegate and neither did any of my black friends. Additionally, not very many black women majored in kinesiology or sports management, degree areas that put you in close contact with future or present athletes.
Conclusion: People largely date who's around them. Black women don't always enjoy the access to these men that other races of women do.
To speak to Chad specifically, even had he not expressed a preference, there was no way for him to win this round with black women. Right now he's being bashed because he is appearing to "reject" black women. But if he would have had an all black cast of women, the criticism of him would have been "Why do you have all those black women on TV acting "ghetto." Why do those women have to represent us?" [If you want an answer to that question, just ask yourself what type of woman has 3 weeks to spare from work and no reputation to damage?]
To bring this all together...
I realize that this issue is deeper than Chad, deeper than athletes and deeper than Deepwater Horizon. I know that those black men who appear on TV are merely representative and that black womens' main concern about this issue is the regular guys that may have non-black preferences which they believe limits their dating pool.
The problem with being angry about it is that if your contention is that a man who never dates black women may be self-hating, the next thing to consider is how that self-hate came about. Self-hate doesn't appear out of thin air. So let's say, there is a black man Terrell Owens who doesn't date black women because he was teased growing up and black women gave him no play before he had money. In order for that man to change you would need him to 1. recognize he has a preference (easy enough) 2. Recognize that preference as a symptom of something deeper (good luck) 3. Work to combat that preference (ah hell no).
With all the women out there in the world, asking a man to perform self-reflection on a choice that is non-damaging to HIM as an individual seems like a waste of time to me. And if you believe that the self-hate is due to socialization then it seems sort of unfair to single out black men for exhibiting this particular symptom.
Lots of people all around the world are intrigued by what they consider to be exotic. The difference with black women is that we've been fed a line of "black men are special" all of our lives whereas black men have not received the same message about black women. If it's fair to ask black men to evaluate how socialization has impacted their dating choices, it's just as fair to question those black women who ONLY want to date black men (a choice that actually DOES have consequences). And no one wants to do that right?
The Prince Interview Everyone Should See
Posted by JD
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Wednesday, June 30, 2010
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Government Is Broken and I Intend to Fix It,
HAPPY ABOUT THIS
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I was trying to watch some Prince videos on you tube which is basically impossible because he doesn't allow his music to appear on you tube...I ran across this AWESOME interview he did with Tavis Smiley. This is the best segment...I don't want to give it way. But I'd love to hear people's thoughts.
Shameless plug: My honey Gabi, the lovely lady behind the blog Young, Fat and Fabulous, is one of 20 finalists to be MTV's very first TJ (Twitter DJ). She's a great girl and she's dying to move to NY so she can hit the big time--which I know she will. The winner will move to NY and make $100K! You can help Gabi by following her on twitter as there will be a series of challenges she has to do and she will need help!
*Whispers* I Enjoyed the BET Awards
Posted by JD
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Sunday, June 27, 2010
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Shut Up and Ennatain Me
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comments (4)
Let's meditate on the title of this post....
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I don't even know what to say. Maybe I need another day to write about the BET awards. Of course then, no one will care. In fact, people may barely care now. So let me make this short.
Overall, I thought the show was well put together. At first I wasn't even going to watch because I don't like to watch things just to criticize. If I know I'm not going to like something, I just choose not to watch. But due to peer pressure all up in the tweets I gave in.
The actual show began with Kanye West performing his new song "Power." I wanted to like the performance but it actually kinda bored me a little. I stopped watching and I didn't even realize that I had.
Alicia Keys performed a medley of her hits. There was some mention of her being artist of the decade...or wowing folks? Well... I think Alicia Keys is talented. However, over the years it's become clear that her vocals are strained and forced and she's not as good a piano player as originally touted. Her performance was "okay."
Diddy and Dirty Money also performed. The smoke effects were OVERDONE you could barely see anyone. Still, he had a great set. He started out with his verse from "O let's do it" remix. Now Waka Flocka is my future baby's daddy so I hoped he would come out. BUT Rick Rozay and Nicki Minaj did make it out for "Hello Goodmorning" and I can't deny that song KNOCKS. Unfortunately, Nicki's ODB impression on that song is a fail. I can't understand her. I love Nicki so I was happy to see her regardless.
Two pleasant surprises of the night: El Debarge sang a medly of Debarge hits. He sounded great and actually went twice (which was kinda weird). Also weird was the fact that they didn't introduce him. The second surprise was Tyrese's tribute to Teddy Pendergrass. He wounded AWESOME.
The fail of the night goes to Trey Songz. Don't get me wrong, I think Trey is talented. He has a voice that you sort of either love or hate. But toward the end of his "performance," he launched in to Purple Rain, and sounded horrible from the first note. He then went on to
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| Trey...Prince was NOT pleased. |
Chris gave an awesome performance until the end when he was supposed to sing "Man in the Mirror." All the pain of the past year and the weight of being able to honor one of his heroes seem to catch up to him and he broke down crying and never recovered. Lots of people said they didn't believe the tears were genuine. Needless to say, I disagree. Chris was wrong for beating Rihanna down; however, he's very young and clearly needs counseling. Hard to hate Chris Brown and celebrate James Brown and Marvin Gaye and all the other myriad woman beaters who have entertained us over the years.
The disappointment of the night award goes to my girlcrush Nicki Minaj. I believe she performed 3 or 4 times. Each time, she lip synched. That is a RIDICULOUS thing for a rapper to do and simply unacceptable. I don't know whose idea it was but she needs to fire them and use her own brain. On what planet is it okay for a new artist who's not a dancer to give effort the finger like that? She lost major points with me. I still think she's talented, but I can love someone and be honest about their flaws at the same time (unlike a lot of people).
Speaking of people that people don't like. Drake. Drake. Drake. Drake never performs well so I used his time on stage to pet my dog and grab a beer. How did he do?
Finally, the Prince tribute.
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...
Rumor has it that Prince hand-picked the people who honored him. He looked pleased (or as pleased as Prince can look) during the performances. However, I must admit, the tribute did NOTHING for me personally. Janelle Monae sang "Let's Go Crazy." She's young and apparently didn't understand the song was about loving and living life to the fullest. Not about smoking crack and having a nervous breakdown, which is exactly what she looked like she'd been doing.
She ran across the stage like her ass was on fire. Nevertheless, the girl's got moves and she sounded great. But that was a Janelle Monae performance, nothing about it said "Prince."
Esperanza Spaulding, who is very talented and has never really had a mainstream moment, sang "If I was your girlfriend." She.bored.me.to.tears. And NOTHING about her performance was sexy. Like Monae she channeled HERSELF not Prince.
Alicia Keys was Alicia Keys. Girl bye.
Patti Labelle was the last to sing for Prince and she did Purple Rain. Now, we all love Miss Patti. But I must say, she is the ONLY one that could get way with the howling she launched into. Prince was near tears and seemed to love every moment though. Hard to criticize Patti, her voice is amazing.
Of course, twitter always makes awards shows more fun. Although, last night I'm not sure if that was true. One comment I made last night is that I think that people hate current artists because they THINK they should, not because they actually do. I saw a lot of tweets about how this generation has no talent. Mind you, this was from people who are my age. Same age as TI, Alicia Keys etc. I think there was a lot of talent on the stage at the BET awards and it was odd to see people tweeting as though the show was filled with hacks.
No matter what musical genre you're into, you're not going to like every act. Sometimes music is just about entertainment and nothing more. It's like people go to the club and they're all like "that's my song, that's my shit" but when they're watching the BET awards it's all "These coons. This is so embarrassing." I think a lot of people are VERY confused. I've blogged last year about how there's always been different types of music, some serious, some silly, some sexual, some intellectual. There's room for all. And nostalgia gets in the way of comparing today's artists with yesterday's.
Anyway, I'm sure I left some stuff out, but hey, that's what the comment section is for right?
Prediction: BET Will Piss Off Fans of Michael Jackson and Prince
Posted by JD
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Thursday, June 24, 2010
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Here That Bitch Is Again
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comments (14)
I'm not going to get into how much I love Michael Jackson because, for some reason, ever since he died, it seems that people are in some sort of strange competition over who loved Jackson the most while he was still alive. As someone who told my mom that I was going to marry Michael Jackson and cried when she said, "By the time you're old enough to marry him, he'll be dead," I'm not interested in playing that game.
Plus, unless you're one of those people who showed up every day of his trial to greet him as he entered court but weren't able to because you fainted and had to be rushed to the hospital OR you flew to LA upon hearing of his death and performed Thriller with a bunch of other mental cases fans in the middle of the street, your love really ain't all that true now is it?
To sum it up:
You love Michael, I love Michael, we all love Michael.
While I'm here:
You hate BET, I hate BET, we all hate BET.
But unfortunately, BET will, on Sunday, endeavor to pay tribute to Michael Jackson (again) and Prince (Argh!). Jackson's tribute, I assume, is not only a result of the anniversary of his death, but also spurred by the fact that BET so terribly embarrassed itself with the dreadful tribute it paid last year just a few days after Jackson died.
If you missed that God awful show, let me give you the highlights: Michael Jackson dies, BET announces they will pay tribute so that we all will watch their already-planned awards show, we all watch, the show opens with The Fat Boys New Edition doing their impression, I mean, rendition of The Jackson 5 (senior cocaine addict edition), Neyo performs 10 times (I rounded up from 9) doing various songs that I cannot remember, Ciara performs once (including that one time she shouldn't have performed AT ALL), Keri Hilson also performed--and I use the word "perform" VERY loosely--somehow confusing Michael Jackson with Elvis Presley (must have been the nose), and Jamie Foxx made an appearance that I barely remember but I am 100% sure was totally unnecessary. After the show ended somehow Chris Brown became the focal point because, you know, there was no way to honor Michael Jackson successfully without handing Rihanna's whack-a-mole partner a get-out-of-jail free card and a rhinestone glove.
I maintain that BET should have put together a somber slide show akin to the ones the Oscars put together for dead actors, and followed it by showing a complete classic Michael Jackson performance and ended with someone who could REALLY SING performing a song (not necessarily by Michael Jackson) in dedication to him. BET could have, a few weeks later, interrupted it's regular programming (*snickers*) to have a real tribute. But knowing them they would have still botched it. So this paragraph is really neither here nor there or at Neverland Ranch.
Moving on.
Only God knows what BET will put together on Sunday, but JD knows she ain't interested.
Prince will receive the lifetime achievement award, and if I know Prince like I think I do (which is somewhat but not really at all) he was PISSED when he found out that BET was going to fuck him over honor him. Actually, the reason I know he was pissed is because right after he was told about the tribute I heard him scream WHY ME LAWWWWWWD, a shriek that travelled all the way from his mansion in Minneapolis to my tiny Barracks Row townhouse in Washington DC. Quite frankly, I'm not too happy my damn self. WHY YOU LAWWWWD, I screamed back at Prince Rogers Nelson.
Growing up there were 4 artists who truly inspired me: Michael Jackson, Prince, Terence Trent D'arby, and Billy Ocean.
What?
And I'll be damned if I sit idly by while BET uses my affection for any one of the four in order to drum up ratings for their silly ass network. A few years back Michael Jackson said fuck all these awards shows I'mma organize my own tribute to MYSELF. And he did. And out marched a cadre of talented but ill-equipped people who performed his songs as he clapped with the joy of a 3 year old eating an ice cream sandwhich: Usher, Jill Scott, Mya (remember her? no? okay), Whitney Houston's remaining body, and Beyonce's jelly and its background dancers Michelle and Kelly to name a few.
The show was a train wreck. But Michael was happy and that's all that mattered.
But Prince isn't Michael Jackson. Oh no no no no. Prince isn't in it just for the attention (yeah I said it, Michael Jackson liked attention at all costs. Don't believe me? Have you ever seen Prince dangle any of his jump offs off the side of a balcony? I didn't think so!). Prince isn't just a sexy M.F. like his song says, he's a classy one too. And none of the artists that would be down enough on their luck to perform at the BET awards are worthy of singing a Prince song much less actually trying to "perform" it in front of him.
Prince isn't just an entertainer, he's a composer, a talented writer, an instrumentalist, and all around musician. He's a private man that still likes to perform at small venues and only does interviews...well...never. When you honor someone like Prince, you have to think outside of the box. You don't just go grab the nearest black people you can find. You don't just call Trey Songz and Beyonce and let them loose on stage. That's like putting an AMG body kit on a Mercedes that doesn't have an AMG engine...sure, people do it. But they're assholes!
I can only pray that BET didn't reach for the usual suspects. On twitter people threw around names from Lenny Kravitz to Van Hunt to Maxwell. Let's hope BET considered them as well. I think that Prince's tribute might be cause to call in a few of our cream colored friends. That's what the Grammy's did when it was time to honor James Brown. Christina Aguilera was their choice to be exact. Now we don't know who all BET has chosen, but this is a perfect time to form a prayer circle and hope for the best.
I personally don't like the idea of honoring Prince on Sunday. If BET wants to honor someone of Prince's stature, which, by the way, in many ways he's the only one of his particular stature, he should get his own special. He shouldn't be forced to have the first tribute to him occur during BET's routine ratchet recognition show. Nor should his tribute have to compete with the memory of one of the few artists of his time that is more famous than himself.
So in actuality, this is not really a prediction because, as a fan of both artists, I'm already pissed off. So really BET has nothing to lose. So tribute away you incompetent jerks! **I won't be watching.
**By "I won't be watching" I mean I will be reading tweets and then when the Prince tribute begins, I will quickly turn on my TV and begin to bash everything that BET does declaring everyone who works for the network unworthy of washing Prince's dirty drawers much less touching his raspberry beret. On the off chance that they actually do a good job honoring him...you know what, there's no need to finish that sentence.
Hey, Can You Do Me A Favor?? The Friend Conundrum
Posted by JD
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Monday, June 21, 2010
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Sounds Like a Personal Problem
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If only you knew how many texts, BBMs, emails, FB messages, and tweets I get that begin this way. Just in the past month I have looked over and edited countless resumes, proposals, speeches, and all manner of everything else written or communications related. Oh and I can't forget all the advice I've been asked to provide from how to promote an event to how to start a non profit.
At this point, if I get a call from a friend I’m 89% positive it’s because they need me to do something. I’m all for helping friends with their projects, events, and other needs but sometimes it becomes overwhelming.
One thing that sucks about being asked to look over written materials is that often the people who are giving it to you either don’t write very well or don’t put a lot of thought into what they wrote because they know that you will fix it.
The other thing that bothers me is that people don’t seem to realize how long it takes it to look over something and assist them with it. So I constantly get things they people need edited or reviewed right away. I have enough deadlines at the office. I don’t need them at home.
I think it wouldn’t get so upset over being constantly asked to look over things if the there was reciprocation—but alas I’m perennially the giver not the taker. Quite frankly, I can’t blame it all on my friends because I’m really at a loss in terms of what I could even ask any of them to help me with.
It’s difficult to say no to people because I don’t want to be viewed as the friend who isn’t there for people. And I don’t want anyone to say that the one time they asked me to do something I didn’t do it—especially if that person hasn’t ever asked me to do anything for them.
But I have my own side projects going on with this blog, and my Media Analysis blog, plus the Youtube talk show that I’m trying to develop. And it’s kinda hard to focus on MY SHIT when everyone wants me focused on THEIR SHIT. I don’t even know why I wrote this because I’m probably not going to DO SHIT about it. I guess I’m just feeling a little used...and you know, misery loves company.
This blog post is a special shout out to @ASmith86 (Diamond Dust), I know she feels my pain!
My Best Friend: So Close Yet So Far Away
Posted by JD
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Friday, June 18, 2010
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Sounds Like a Personal Problem
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comments (5)
Today I realized that my best friend and I haven’t seen each other in almost a year. Sure we've talked...but we haven't actually gotten together. He lives in Woodbridge, I live in DC. *waits for you to google map it* Yes, it’s true, it’s only about 45 minutes away. But I get super busy and traffic is bad and he got married last year and they have baby. Blah. Life. Blah. *cries*
I love my best friend. We used to combine our names like they were one. When he hasn’t heard from me in a while he asks what happened to Darrelsarah (okay clearly those are not our names but you get my point). My best friend is EVERYTHING. He’s the nicest guy you’ve ever met, a doctor, a family man, smart but not pretentious, and very handsome. Oo and good at math. I am blessed to have him in my life.
That’s why I hate that we never see each other anymore. And I hate even more that the older you get the more you have to put forth an effort to hang with your friends. It’s not like my days at Temple when all my friends were in a dorm and we could hang at will. Now all my friends from college are spread out from California to Texas to New York to Florida. It’s frustrating.
It seems like once you reach a certain age people are either hanging constantly with their significant other or schedules keep conflicting. And sometimes, the more social you are the more you miss your friends. For example, I may want or need to attend an event and my friend has an event she has to attend on the same night. So we keep missing each other. It shouldn’t be that hard. Sure I hang with people I know and like, but as I get older I'm finding it increasingly hard to hang with the people I desire to be around the most.
There’s really no point to this post except I felt like sharing my feelings.
Girl, Why Is He Living With You????
Posted by JD
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Thursday, June 17, 2010
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Here That Bitch Is Again
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comments (19)
Yesterday on twitter I started a discussion about a trend I’m noticing among young black men and women. I was too lazy to blog it at the time, but then the replies got OUT OF CONTROL. I simply could not respond to them all. So people suggested I blog about it anyway to give people an opportunity to comment. Therefore if this post gets no comments, I will be throwing MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF SHADE. And when I throw shade I break windows (and get all up in your mental).
Now to the post…
Lately, I’ve been noticing an uptick in college educated black men who are living with their girlfriends because they cannot afford to live on their own. Obviously, if two people make a mutual financial decision to live together (as many do in expensive cities like LA, NY, and DC) that’s fine. But I’m noticing this in my friends across the country even in cheaper places.
What initially made me want to write about this is the fact that many young women aren’t aware that their men are remaining in relationships with them ONLY because they provide a household. Whether that means he gets to come over to your house to escape his roommates or whether it means he moves in with you and contributes to the household to the extent that he can.
Once again, if two people decide that it’s financially better for BOTH of them to move in together, that’s one thing--especially in a recession. But I’m worried about the increasing number of men I see who move in with women they KNOW they will break up with as soon as they get on their feet.
Clearly, both sexes can be users. But I’m concerned about this dynamic in particular. I’ve been thinking about this as I see so many of my college educated male friends meandering about doing nothing in particular and my college educated female friends buying houses and getting promoted steadily up the chain. I don’t think this lopsided dynamic is particular to my circle.
If this is actually is a real trend its consequential and women should take heed. For example, men complain every time a celebrity male gets divorced and has to pay alimony, but in real life, especially in the black community, women are the ones who suffer more in divorces because they typically have more to lose. In fact, women are also suffering more in the marriages because the men may have multiple children and therefore the new, possibly childless, wife’s income may be considered for child support purposes depending on the state/circumstances.
Two things:
I just want women to be more aware of REALITY. The meme is always that black women are out to get something from someone else, but that's not what's actually happening by and large. Modern women need to not only protect their emotional assets but their financial assets as well.
The flip side of this is to ask why is it that black college educated black men take so long to figure out a path? I asked a few men and they had varying responses. On twitter @isportpolitics said that he believes many men are getting degrees to say they have them or because it’s what you’re supposed to do and then there’s no action. Another friend said that he believes women think more about establishing themselves early because they have to be prepared to have a family younger where as men can wait forever. Of course this has nothing to do with the propensity to use people, which to be fair I think and hope is rare.
On a side note, I wonder if black men are not getting the support they need to thrive whether as a child or at institutions of higher learning...just a thought.
Comments?
